


Best Kept Secret

by TheObscure



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-04-24 19:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14362053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheObscure/pseuds/TheObscure
Summary: You were on your way home from work one night when something happens between yourself and a gang of men. When two men come to your aid,your life changes.





	1. Chapter 1

~4 Years Ago~  
The bar was busier than usual that night, from the room you were in you could hear roars of laughter, loud speaking and the music blaring. With a heavy sigh, you drank your vodka in one, coughing as the liquid warmed your throat before you poured yourself another. This was your usual routine-whether the bar was busy or not. About 3 shots of vodka and 2 cigarettes before you went on stage with another girl. Even though you had been doing this for 2 years now, it never got any easier. Sure, you were better and less nervous now than when you first started work, but it wasn't any easier to walk out onto the stage with all those people watching you. Some were okay, they simply watched and applauded you at the end before giving you some money. But then there were those who tried to touch you as you worked, those who shouted obscenities and tried to follow you into the back room when you were finished, or stuffed the money into your underwear, purposely letting their hand wander farther than it should. As you blew out a cloud of cigarette smoke, you saw the girl you were working with that night enter the room in the mirror. She looked as beautiful as ever- her porcelain skin had no blemishes on, her eye make up was perfect and her blonde hair-that reached her waist-fell in delicate curls. She beamed a smile to you and stepped into the room further to examine herself in the mirror.

"It's busy tonight. Do you think this set is okay? It's new, but looks quite bland, right?" She asked you, you stubbed out your cigarette and turned to look at her, smiling a little and shaking your head. With a deep sigh, she waved her hand and nodded. "It will have to do. We're on, are you ready?" You nodded and, when you stood, dropped your robe, leaving you standing in your heeled boots, stockings, black underwear and black bra. You didn't look at yourself in the mirror, if you did you wouldn't go out there. When Mei put her hand in yours, you turned to look at her and smiled. "Come on, let's get this done!" As you both stepped onto the podiums, the crowd of men all cheered and instantly moved forwards- the two front rows were all older looking men dressed in suits, clearly people who had come straight from work that evening. You recognised some of the men as regulars, knowing you saw them at least twice a week, maybe even more. When the music began to play- a rock song that was popular in the charts that week, you and Mei started your usual routine. The metal pole was oddly warm that night, though you didn't know why. All through your routine you did your best not to look out at the men watching you, whenever you did it distracted you and you always felt sick. When you felt a hand touch your thigh, you quickly turned your hips and span around the pole- causing the hand to fall from your leg. However, when you turned back around a hand forced it's way into your underwear, leaving two notes there. With a shudder, you nodded in thanks to whoever put them there before spinning once again on the pole. When the song finally finished, the men applauded and yourself and Mei quickly bowed before stooping to collect the money that had been thrown. When it was all collected, you quickly made your way back into the room and poured two vodkas for yourself and Mei to steady your nerves. Mei was the first person you spoke to at the club and you had been close friends with her ever since, she looked after you and made sure nobody took advantage of you. "Thanks doll. Here, this is your half." You smiled in thanks to her and placed the money in your bra until you could collect your bag at the end of the night. 

"Why does that never get any easier?" You asked her, Mei stood behind you and gently massaged your shoulders as you finished your drink, pouring yourself another instantly. You heard a gentle sigh from Mei, though she said nothing. You lit a cigarette and passed it back to her before lighting one for yourself. "I thought I would be used to it by now, but I'm not. I feel like they're judging me, judging my body. I mean, look at you and the rest of the girls here. You're all beautiful! But me? I'm foreign and chubby, they probably watch me for a form of comedy." You sighed deeply and brought your cigarette to your lips. 

"Hey! That's enough! I've told you before, the customers love foreign girls, you have a sense of mystery about you! And your body is beautiful, why else would they stuff money into your pants, huh?" Mei asked, you raised your eyes to look at her through the mirror, seeing her smiling beautifully to you again. "And as for all the girls in here being beautiful, I can think of a few who certainly aren't." This made you laugh and, hearing this and seeing your smile, Mei started to laugh too as she massaged your shoulders a little more. After 10 minutes, it was time for yourself and Mei to go back into the club and serve drinks until the end of your shifts in 4 hours time. You were exhausted, you had been working for hours and didn't finish until 3 AM. When you entered the bar again, it was less busy than before and the music had changed to a heavier rock band that you were a fan of- with a smile, you picked up a tray, some glasses and checked what was going to which table. Although this part of your job wasn't as bad as the dancing, it still wasn't enjoyable- the drunken men would touch you when you walked past or try to give you money in exchange for other things, which was always received in bad form when you told them it was against the rules if they were drunk enough. When your shift finally came to an end, yourself and Mei got dressed and gathered your bags and coats, saying goodnight to the men behind the bar who were closing that night before you walked out onto the dark street. Luckily, Mei only lived two streets away from you and so you shared a cab to her apartment and walked the rest of the way to your own. When you climbed out of the car, Mei reached into her bag to find her keys and smiled to you when she found them. "Now, you text me when you're home, you hear?" Although you had always had this agreement, you nodded and smiled before hugging Mei and walking away once she locked her door. You always kept your keys in your hands in case of any trouble, though you had never had anything bad- usually just drunken people on their way home from nights out. When you reached the end of your street, however, you sighed when you saw a group of men walking towards you- clearly drunk. You lowered your head, kept your eyes on the ground and quickly walked forward, hoping they would just let you pass. However, one man bumped into you purposely and caused you to stagger a little: another man caught you and wouldn't let go, causing you to gasp as you tried to escape.

"What's a thing like you doing alone at this time of morning?" One man asked as he stepped closer to you, blowing cigarette smoke into your face and making you cough. Noticing your keys had fallen to the floor, he stooped to pick them up and laughed as he showed them to the rest of the group. "Lets, see...do you live in this apartment block?" As the other men laughed, you again tried to get out of the man's grip but failed. 

"I wonder which one?" Another man asked, you looked down at the floor and attempted to kick your legs backwards. "She has fight in her! She could be fun!" This caused the men to all laugh as the man's grip tightened on your arms, causing you to groan.

"Fuck you!" You shouted as you spat into the man's face, he groaned and dropped your keys again, causing them to fall on the pavement with a metallic clunk. He wiped his cheek and looked at you, only this time his eyes were burning with anger and his teeth were gritted.

"You bitch!" He shouted aggressively as he brought his fist forward, punching you in the stomach. You jerked forward and gasped as the air was knocked from your chest and your stomach burned with pain. You didn't have time to gather your breath again, however, as the man took hold of your face harshly and forced your head up to look at him. "Nobody does that to me, you understand?" When you said nothing, he laughed again and ripped open your coat, sending buttons falling onto the pavement and into the road. You were only wearing a simple dress, something that was easy to remove and dress into again at work. You screamed a little when the man ripped the chest of the dress a little, exposing some of your bra. "Well, look at this, guys. Seems someone likes wearing expensive underwear." 

"Get off me!" You screamed, wildly swinging your legs once again with no success. The men all laughed as the man in front stepped closer and took a tight grip on your hair, yanking your head back. You thought about shouting to try and wake someone up, but you didn't know if anybody would help you. You opened your mouth to shout, however the man noticed this and instantly locked his mouth onto yours, forcing his tongue into your mouth. You screamed against his lips and violently jerked your knee forward, ramming it into his crotch and causing him to fall back, away from you. You spat on to the pavement and tried to kick the man behind you, though failed again. As the man in front now rolled around in pain on the floor, the two other men checked on their friend. When one turned to look at you and stood, you gasped and closed your eyes as you expected a harsh punch, however it never came. Instead, you heard shouting and the sounds of kicking and punching- when you opened your eyes you saw the two men on the floor being attacked by two other men. One was being kicked in the stomach whilst the other was being punched. The man behind you threw you forward, on to the pavement and tried to run away, however a man with long black hair began to run after him and eventually caught him- he leapt onto his back and instantly started to punch the man. You now looked to the man in front of you with short black hair, wearing a black leather jacket and black jeans. He was kneeling on the floor, gripping one of the men by the collar of his jacket.

"Stay the fuck away, do you hear me?" He shouted as threw the man on to the floor. "All of you piss off!" He started to kick the three men on the floor until they stood and ran as best as they could, some limping. The man further down the road had stood from the man who had been holding you and kicked him once before he ran away with the rest of the men. "Hey, are you okay?" You looked forward again to see the man kneeling in front of you, looking at you with worried eyes. "Hello? Can you hear me?"

"Is she okay? Jesus, look at her! Those bastards." The other man said to his friend as he ran back to you, he stood behind his friend and looked at you. Both men had kind faces, though you were still a little nervous around them. The man knelt in front of you reached out and touched your hand, causing you to jump and yank your hand away.

"It's okay! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" He asked, you finally managed to shake your head- earning a sigh of relief from the two men. 

"T...thank you. Seriously. Thank you both so much!" You exclaimed, lunging forward and hugging the man in front of you. You heard him make a quiet noise of surprise before his arms wrapped around you. You reached your hand out to the man standing behind and he took it with a smile. When you sat back and looked at the two men again, you sighed and ran a hand through your hair. "What the fuck just happened?"

"You tell us, we saw that scumbag try to force himself onto you. Nice kick to the balls, by the way." The man standing said with a small smile, bringing a sense of comfort to you. You laughed a little and nodded. The man kneeling in front of you was looking at your arms, causing you to do the same. You groaned when you saw four finger tip shaped bruises forming on each arm- how would you hide those at work? It was only when you thought of work that you remembered the punch to your stomach, a violent jolt of pain shot through your body and you groaned loudly. "Hey,are you okay?"

"Yeah...He punched me in the stomach, it just hurts a little." You told him, hearing them both sigh. 

"Here, let me help you up." The man kneeling in front of you said- with a nod, you took his hands and stood slowly, groaning in pain once again. "Here, I think these are yours." You nodded when he handed you your keys and your bag. "Do you want us to take you to the hospital?"

"No, I live just here. How about that for bad luck, huh?" You asked, laughing a little. The two men looked up at the apartment and nodded. "Here, let me give you guys some money as a thanks." When you started to bring money from your bag, the two men instantly shook their heads.

"Don't be ridiculous! We couldn't just walk by and ignore those bastards. Are you sure you're okay?" The man in front of you asked, you nodded and smiled a little. "I'm Toshiya, this is Kaoru." The man standing behind you both smiled and waved to you, making you smile.

"(name). Thank you again...I don't know what they would have done if you hadn't have come along." You told them, both men nodded.

"I guess it's better not to think about it." Toshiya said to you, making you nod. "Well, you best get inside, you'll catch your death out here. It was nice to meet you, Miss." You smiled a little and shook both men's hands once again, thanking them one last time before you entered your apartment building. Once inside, you locked your front door and moved your table in front of your door. You removed your torn jacket and dress, sighing when you looked in the mirror to see a blue bruise already forming on your abdomen. 

"Great." Was all you muttered to yourself before you headed to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

You didn't get any sleep that night, whenever you closed your eyes you could see those men again and instantly felt terrified. A cold sweat covered your body, your arms and stomach ached and you could still feel that man's tongue. You had showered and brushed your teeth more than three times and were now sitting in bed watching an old film on the television. The sun was beginning to rise and, as you lit a cigarette, you heard your phone ringing. As soon as you answered the call, you didn't have chance to speak before Mei shouted down the phone.

"Why didn't you call me last night?! I went to bed terrified wondering what had happened to you!" As soon as Mei shouted, you burst into tears and closed your eyes as the tears rolled down your cheeks. "Oh my god! I'm sorry, doll! I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not you. I...was attacked last night. By four scumbags. They ripped my clothes and they've given me some pretty good bruises that I'm not sure how I'll cover up. These two amazing guys helped me and beat them up until they ran away, thank god they came by. Otherwise I don't know what I'd have done." You told her, hearing her gasp when you told her. 

"Doll, are you okay? Stay right where you are! I'll be over in 10!" Mei exclaimed, hanging up before you could answer. Sure enough, after 10 minutes there was a knock on your door. You slid your table out of the way and unlocked it, smiling a little to Mei on the other side. Once she was inside, you locked it again and groaned when she hugged you tightly. "I'm sorry! Are you okay? Show me these bruises." She took a step back and gasped when she noticed the now dark blue bruises on your arms. When you lifted your shirt, she gasped and put her hand on her mouth when she saw the dark purple and blue bruise on your abdomen. "Oh my...those fuckers! Did they take anything?" You simply shook your head and sat down on the couch with Mei. "What were these guys who helped you called?"

"Toshiya and Kaoru. They were amazing, they probably saved my life." You told her, smiling as you remembered the two men. Mei hummed when you mentioned the names, causing you to look at her. Her head was rolled to the side and her eyes were narrowed. "What?"

"I recognise those names, is all. Right! Let me make us some coffee! Then we can relax before I head to work. Don't worry, I'm sure the boss will understand you not coming today." She said as she stood and walked to your kitchen. You followed her, telling her you couldn't miss a shift. With a sigh, she nodded and turned to look at you. "And don't worry, I'm sure I can find a way to cover those bruises." You smiled in thanks and went to sit back on the couch until Mei returned.  
~~~  
Mei left a few hours before your shift started, you had had a small nap and taken a shower. When you were making something to eat your boss called and said Mei had told him what happened.

"You don't have to work if you don't feel up to it. Christ, I don't know any body who would be." He told you, you sighed and wondered why Mei had mentioned it to him, despite you saying you wanted to work. To tell the truth, you couldn't afford to miss a shift. You were fine for money, however missing one shift would change your wage quite a bit for that month. When you told your boss you wanted to work, he made no effort in trying to argue with you-knowing how determined you were. "Fine. But not dancing, you can be behind the bar and waiting tables, you hear? Don't come in your usual gear, either. Just wear something you're comfortable in." You agreed and thanked him before hanging up the phone. Your Boss wasn't that much older than you, perhaps in his mid-Thirties and you got along with him well. You had similar tastes in music, which is why the club mainly played rock and visual kei, making it different to the other clubs of its kind in town and quite unique. After you had eaten and changed into a simple pair of jeans, boots and a band shirt, you grabbed your jacket and bag before heading outside. The buttons from your jacket and some fabric from your dress still laid on the pavement, bringing a memory of the night before back to you with a shudder. When you arrived at Mei's apartment, she was already waiting outside and informed you a cab was on the way.

"I'm sorry I told him. I just didn't want you to strain yourself anymore. So you're working behind the bar?" She asked as she linked her arm in yours, you simply nodded and smiled. "Good. And any trouble and I'll be right there, okay?" You both laughed and climbed into the cab when it arrived. As Mei was getting ready for her dance with one of the other girls, you started work behind the bar with another barman, Satoshi, who you were good friends with. When he asked why you were behind the bar with him, you simply told him you felt ill, but still wanted to work.

"You mean you could have had a night off but you still came here? You're crazy." He told you with a shake of his head as he cleaned the bar, you simply smiled and laughed a little before you served a customer. The club was beginning to get busy as it drew closer to the time the dancing started- you were serving so many people you hardly had chance to look at their faces.

"Four beers, please." A voice called to you over the loud music playing over the speakers, you nodded and quickly started to pour the beers as you worked out the price of the bill. "Nice shirt, by the way." You looked down at the band shirt you were wearing-one from a recent tour-and smiled before checking on the beers. You slid them on to the bar and checked the cash register.

"That will be..." You started to say before you looked up, seeing Kaoru standing at the other side of the bar with a smile on his face. You smiled back to him and instantly shook your head. "On the house. All night." When you said this, he shook his head and started to take money from his wallet, however you pushed his hand back down, forcing the money back in. He laughed a little and looked up at you.

"Won't you get into trouble for that? Let me pay..." He said, however you cut him off again.

"I'll deal with it. Please, it's the least I can do after last night, Kaoru." You said to him, his eyes brightened and a small smile entered his face when you said this, you simply smiled back to him.

"You remembered my name?" He asked, you simply nodded and smiled, noticing Toshiya sitting in a booth with two other men, who were both looking at you. "Well, thank you. For the drinks. I'm definitely paying for the next ones." He picked up the glasses and smiled once again to you before he turned and joined his friends in the booth. You felt a sharp pain in your stomach and groaned as you gripped onto the bar, earning Satoshi's attention. When you noticed him looking at you funny, you shrugged.

"Lady problems." You said, earning a face that made you laugh before you started serving the next customer. When the dancing started, almost everybody flocked closer to the floor and podiums in order to be able to see, leaving the bar virtually empty. You groaned again and placed a hand on your stomach, feeling a faint throb coming from the bruise. 

"Four more beers please and I'll pay. Hey...are you okay?" Kaoru asked as he slid the four empty glasses onto the bar. You turned to him with a smile and nodded as you stood up fully, moving the glasses into the area for them to be cleaned before you started getting four more. 

"Aren't you interested in watching the dancers?" You asked him, noticing his three friends all watching from the booth. Kaoru simply shrugged. 

"I'm not really bothered, it's attractive, but I hate seeing these poor girls being leered at by creepy old dudes, don't you?" He asked you, you looked down at the bar before handing him two glasses of beer before fetching the other two. "I have to say, they're both very skilled. I wouldn't be able to do it. Getting up on stage in front of people is bad enough, I know. But having those guys watching you and trying to touch you..." Kaoru shivered and, when you handed him the final two beers, you smiled.

"What did you mean? You know? Are you a dancer?" You asked, making him laugh as he shook his head. "Don't tell me...a stripper?" This earned a louder laugh and another shake of the head. "A private dancer? You know, lap dances?" Kaoru laughed once again and took a drink from one of the beers.

"That depends who's asking. Same for the stripper." He said to you in a hushed voice before he winked, making you laugh. "I'm a guitarist. Toshiya and the other two guys are my band mates." You both looked at the three men in the booth, seeing them watching the dancers still. 

"So, what kind of music do you play?" You asked, he looked back at you and asked you to guess. "I'm guessing stripper music, judging by your last answer." Kaoru laughed again before taking a drink. He reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulled out a pen and took a napkin from the bar. 

"Here, listen to us and let me know what you think." Was all he said before he took the four beers and walked back to the booth. You took the napkin and read what he had written Dir en Grey, Kaoru- followed by a phone number. With a smile, you slid the napkin into your pocket and laughed, shaking your head when you noticed he had slid some money for the two sets of drinks into the napkin. With a smile, you took another napkin, found an old pen and wrote your name and number before tucking the money back inside. You picked up a tray and started to do your rounds collecting empty glasses, as you passed the table they were sitting at, you dropped the napkin onto the table in front of him and quickly walked away without looking. It was only on your way back to the bar with a tray full of glasses that you noticed him smiling to you. "I'll get the money to you somehow." You laughed and simply shook your head as you continued walking.

"No you won't." You replied, turning the corner to stand behind the bar once again.  
~~~Two weeks Later~~~  
You had spoken to Kaoru a few times by text in the past week, you had listened to his band and liked their music, so he had invited you to a live of theirs this weekend. When Saturday arrived, you stood in front of your mirror for hours trying to decide what to wear. Finally, you had settled for a long black lace skirt, some heeled boots, a simple plain black vest and your jacket. You checked the text from Kaoru when you climbed into a cab, giving the driver the destination. It was medium sized venue about 30 minutes away, when you climbed out there was already a queue forming outside, however Kaoru had left a pass for you at work earlier that week. As you stood outside, you sent Mei a message: I'm at the venue now, I'll be sure to let you know how it goes! Thanks again for covering my shift, Mei, I owe you! XX. You slid your phone back into your pocket, showed the security your pass and smiled when they let you inside. You could hear drums and guitars in the distance as the guys practised their sound check in the main auditorium, however you followed the signs and managed to find the green room. Inside, one of the road crew smiled to you.

"Do you want a drink while you wait? They won't be long, they're practising the last song on their set." He said to you, you smiled and nodded, thanking him when he handed you a bottle of beer. You took a drink and looked around the room, looking at all the band's who had played there before. Suddenly feeling the heat of the room, you removed your jacket and quickly checked your phone, smiling as you read Mei's reply: Have an amazing night, Doll! I expect all the dirty details over some drinks tomorrow night! Love you! XX. You laughed as you put your phone back in your pocket and settled your jacket on the couch behind you as you took another drink. 

"Hey! We have a visitor!" Toshiya said as he entered the room, smiling to you as he kissed your cheek and put an arm around your shoulder. Two more men entered the room, who smiled when they saw you and shook their heads at how comfortable their band mate had made himself. "This is Shinya and Die. Guys, this is (name)!" You bowed to the two gentlemen, who did the same before they got themselves a drink. 

"Toshiya told us about what happened, it's terrible! Are you all right now?" A smaller, slim man with long hair asked you. His face was pretty and reminded you a little of Mei, his eyes were big and feminine and his skin looked soft. You simply smiled and nodded, thanking him for his concern. "Why would someone attack a defenceless young woman like that?"

"Hey, Miss (name) isn't totally defenceless. I bet that guy still can't sleep with anyone because his balls will still be swollen from that kick." Kaoru said as he walked into the room, instantly smiling to you with a bow as he got himself a drink. Another man followed after him, a shorter man who when he saw you, bowed a little before he walked to the other end of the room. You couldn't help but notice how handsome Kaoru looked, he was dressed totally different to how you were used to seeing him and he was wearing stage make up. As Shinya, Toshiya and Die sat on the couch to relax a little before their live, Kaoru and yourself stepped outside so you could have a cigarette. "You look...beautiful, by the way. Very gothic, I like it." You turned to smile at him as you blew out a cloud of smoke and took a drink, feeling your cheeks warm a little.

"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself." You said, nudging him a little with your elbow, making him laugh. "So, can I expect to see you stripping and giving some lucky woman in the audience a lap dance?" This made him laugh again as you both took a drink from your beers.

"Who knows, play your cards right and you could be the lucky lady." He replied, making you laugh but you felt a small knot form in the bottom of your stomach. You both stood in silence for a moment and, when the door opened, Die informed Kaoru it was time for them to go on stage. You stamped out your cigarette and turned to Kaoru with a smile, making sure the door had closed and you were alone before you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Good Luck! I'll be watching!" You said before you walked back inside, taking your place in the main auditorium, standing by the bar with a perfect view of the stage.


	3. Chapter 3

After the concert had finished and everybody had made their way outside, you were standing by the bar with a beer, smiling as you recovered from the set. You had enjoyed the concert and had even got involved a little with the crowd, you want to what songs you knew and recognised and couldn't help but smile at Kaoru's movements on stage as he played his guitar, bringing your mind back to the conversation you both once had. You were sure if he could see you from the stage, however you could see him and the rest of the guys perfectly. You brought a mirror from your pocket, reapplied some lipstick and fixed your hair a little before placing it back and taking a drink.

"Well, what did you think?" You heard a voice ask, when you turned around you saw Kaoru standing behind you with a smile on his face. You picked up your beer, walked to meet him and hugged him with a laugh, he laughed with you and wrapped his arms around you. You felt his hold on you tighten when his arms wrapped around your waist and his face gently buried in your neck. When you stood back, he smiled to you, took your beer and took a long drink.

"You guys were amazing! Really, you're brilliant!" You told him with a wide smile. He handed you your beer back and bowed dramatically, making you laugh a little. He held out his arm to you, smiling when you linked yours in his and he led you backstage once again. In the same room as before, Toshiya, Shinya, Die and Kyo were all standing with some of the road crew and some other people as music played over a large stereo system.

"Hey! Here she is!" Toshiya exclaimed when he saw you walk into the room with Kaoru, making you laugh a little when he ran to you and pressed a slightly drunken kiss to your cheek. Shinya followed his friend, shaking his head and placed a hand on your arm as he kissed your cheek-much more gently than his friend. Die and Kyo remained standing with the road crew as they continued with their conversation.

"What did you think of the show?" Shinya asked you with a gentle smile as he took a drink. Toshiya was clinging to Kaoru, who had his arms around his friends waist and his head resting on his shoulder. With a smile, you turned to the feminine looking man and nodded as you placed a hand on his arm, making him smile.

"You guys were amazing! Easily one of the best bands I've ever seen. The crowd was insane!" You replied, the three men all bowed in thanks to you before Toshiya took a drink from his beer and pulled you between the two men. You started to laugh when both Kaoru and Toshiya wrapped their arms around you tightly. Shinya laughed when he looked at you before turning to Die when he joined you all-however Kyo remained standing with the road crew. When a song started to play over the speakers, Toshiya gasped and held his hands out to Shinya.

"Shinya! Let's dance! I love this song!" With that, the taller man dragged the drummer into the centre of the room and started to dance with him. Yourself, Die and Kaoru watched the two for a while as you laughed and drank, until another song started and Toshiya dragged Die to join himself and Shinya, however he soon brought his hands away and took a seat on the couch as he took a drink from his beer. 

"I'm going outside for a cigarette. Want to join me before you get forced to dance too?" When you asked this, Kaoru nodded quickly and picked up two more bottles of beer before you led the way to the outside of the venue. The night air was a little cold and it looked like it had been raining a little, the ground was wet and there was a damp smell in the air. You lit the cigarette and blew out a cloud of smoke before taking a drink from your beer, finishing the bottle you had brought with you. After throwing it away, Kaoru led you to a nearby bench that overlooked a small river that ran down the side of the parking lot, the sound was calming to your ringing ears. When Kaoru handed you the new bottle of beer, you thanked him and clinked it against his own.

"You know, I always think the city is nicest at this time of night. People are still out partying and having a good time, but some are tucked in bed or warm with the ones they love. I always feel most homesick when I'm on tour at this time of night." Kaoru told you, you turned to look at him and smiled a little before you took another inhale of smoke. 

"Is Toshiya okay? He seems to have drunk quite a bit already." You asked, this earned a laugh from Kaoru before he nodded and took a drink. Inside you could hear laughter and the music being turned up as one of the band's own songs came on, you laughed a little and turned to look at Kaoru to see him shaking his head with a smile on his face. "You know, you can go back inside if you want to? You don't have to sit out here with me in the cold." Kaoru turned to look at you and his smile grew, which brought a sense of comfort to you.

"What? And leave you sitting out here all alone? No chance." He said with a small laugh as he nudged you a little, making you smile as you threw your cigarette into a nearby drain and took a drink from your beer. "Do you have to work tomorrow?" You shook your head and smiled, turning to look at him you saw his own smile has grown when he saw your reply. "Great, then...why don't you stay with us until the early hours? We can show you true Dir en Grey hospitality!" With a laugh, you nodded and smiled. "Great!" The two of you sat in silence for a moment and, as you looked up into the sky, Kaoru let out a deep sigh. When you turned to look at him, he was looking down at the floor, fiddling with the ties from one of his bracelets. 

"Is everything okay?" You asked as you placed a hand on his thigh, earning his attention. When he looked up at you again, a small smile came on to his face and he nodded as he quickly moved forward, locking his lips on yours. At first you were a little surprised, however you soon began to kiss him back and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. Kaoru's arms wrapped around your waist and his hands settled on the centre of your back as he pulled you even closer, leaving no gap between your two bodies. His tongue traced along your bottom lip and, when you opened your mouth, it slid in and gently over your own. When you broke the kiss for air, you both remained close to each other, smiling a little awkwardly. "You know, I was watching this girl in front of me whilst you guys played, she spent almost the whole concert taking photos of Toshiya. Think we should tell him? He might have a stalker." Kaoru turned to look at you with a smile when you spoke, his cheeks were still a little pink. He burst into laughter as you told him this, making you laugh too. You both took a drink from your beers and Kaoru hummed as he nodded. 

"I'm sure he has enough stalkers to start a fan club all of his own. I'm sure he's the most popular out of us all." He told you, with a smile you shrugged your shoulders and took another drink, smirking when Kaoru turned to look at you. He raised one eyebrow and smiled a little before he moved closer to you on the bench. "Oh, yeah? Is he your favourite, too?" With a laugh, you jabbed a finger into his sides and laughed a little. "So, did you get any photos?" With a nod, you brought your phone from your pocket and began to scroll through some of the photos you had taken, quickly scrolling past one you had gotten of Kaoru. "Woah, woah! Go back one." Although you tried to move your phone away, Kaoru managed to swipe his finger across the screen, causing the photo of himself to reappear. He smiled down to you before he took your phone and studied the photo, zooming in and out again. "It's a good photo, have you ever thought about going into photography?" You simply laughed and smiled as you shook your head. With a nod, Kaoru pressed another button on your phone, put his arm around your shoulders and brought you closer to him. "Okay, say cheese!" You both smiled for the photo and, when he took a look at the screen, locked your phone and passed it to you. When you clicked the button to unlock it, you laughed and nudged him when you saw he had set the photo as your lock screen. "So, do you like working behind a bar?" The question caused you to go a little wide eyed and you hoped he hadn't noticed the sense of panic on your face. With a nervous smile, you nodded and shrugged. 

"It's... okay. I have to deal with some major idiots sometimes but... I get along with the people I work with, at least. It's actually how I met my best friend, Mei." You told him, hoping you weren't being completely obvious. Kaoru smiled as he listened to you and when you finished he hummed. "So, Mr Rock Star, tell me what it's like being in a band. What places have you seen?" When Kaoru began to tell you about some tours he had been on with the guys, you were relieved that the topic of conversation had moved on and away from your work. You knew that, if the kiss meant anything, maybe you would be seeing a lot more of Kaoru and so you had to tell him at some point. However, for now you didn't want to risk ruining things and so decided to keep it a secret. 

~~~2 Months Later~~~  
You had been speaking to Kaoru and some of the other guys almost every day: when neither of you were too busy. Tonight the club was busier than you had seen it for a few weeks, you were sitting in the room as usual, smoking and drinking before you and Mei had to go on stage. 

"It's busier than usual out there tonight, I wonder why. Have we somehow become famous without knowing?" Mei asked, with a small laugh you shrugged your shoulders and handed her a shot of vodka-you both drank them in one before you stood, removed your robe and checked your reflection in the mirror. Tonight you were wearing a dark purple and black laced corset with stockings and heeled shoes, your make up was as usual-black eyeliner with some purple eyeshadow and a red lipstick. "Come on, let's get this done!" With a nod and a smile, you held Mei's hand as you both stood behind the podiums, waiting for the music to start. When you heard the start of the music, you took a deep breath before stepping out onto the podium. Mei was right, there were a lot more people than usual. You started your usual routine, putting up with the usual. When you turned around and quickly span, a man put his hands on your leg and tucked some bills into your stocking. When it had finished, you quickly walked back stage and lit a cigarette, pouring two more vodkas for yourself and Mei. When she came back into the room, she handed you your half of the money before she quickly drank her vodka. By the time you and Mei walked back into the club to collect glasses, it had quietened down a little. Most people were now on the dance floor, there was a song playing from a popular rock band who you were a fan of and so as you were walking around collecting glasses, you were singing. 

"Pretty and a good voice." A man said to you as he stood behind you, when you turned to look at him you smiled a little before you turned back around, collecting empty glasses from his tables. "And a great body, too!" When he said this, the man harshly slapped your backside, making you gasp and drop the two glasses you were holding. Before you knew it, you heard people screaming, a loud bang and shouting. "Get off me, you Bastard!" When you turned around, you saw the man being pined to the floor with a man sitting on him, punching him. 

"Kaoru! Leave him!" When you heard someone shout this, you gasped and turned to look in front of you, seeing Toshiya and Die running towards you. As the other guitarist stooped down to lift Kaoru off the man, Toshiya ran a hand through his hair as he looked at you. "Hello! Good show, by the way!" You looked at him in shock for a moment before you noticed Die standing up, restraining Kaoru as Satoshi dragged the man from the floor and threw him out. Kaoru was out of breath, his hair was in his face and he was looking at you with a confused expression.


	4. Chapter 4

When you woke up that morning you hadn't expected yr day to end how it had. When the bar had quitened down after the dancing had finished, you started to work in the bar, collecting the empty glasses and serving the customers. You looked at the clock to see it was almost ready for closing and breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Excuse me, mind if I ask you something?" You heard a voice ask, you started to arrange the dirty glasses on the bar ready to be cleaned when the bar had closed. You hummed a 'yes' in response to the person, hearing a small laugh. "What would you recommend for a first time seeing an old friend; wine or beer?" You raised an eyebrow at the question before you turned around, going wide eyed and gasping when you saw Toshiya standing on the other side. He burst into a smile and started to laugh at your expression. "What? Not happy to see me? Come here!" You walked to the other side of the bar and hugged him tightly, smiling when he burst into laughter. 

"Toshiya! What are you doing here?" You asked, before he replied to you, you noticed Toshiya look behind the bar and smile. You turned to look behind you to see Satoshi standing there, smiling. "Oh, sorry. I'll be right back, it's an old friend!" Satoshi shook his head and slid two bottles of beer across the bar, telling you to finish early. With a wide smile, you led Toshiya to a free booth and you both sat down. 

"I was passing and thought I'd come in. I didn't think you'd still work here." He replied, you smiled a little and shrugged. Toshiya looked almost the same, his hair was now longer. "You look amazing!" 

"Thanks. How is everyone?" You asked as you took a drink. Toshiya put down his bottle and looked at you with one eyebrow raised. "It's just a question." 

"Everybody is good. We're getting ready for a tour of Japan, actually. Hey! Why don't you come?" He asked with a wide smile, you simply laughed and shook your head, causing him to groan. "Why not? It would be like old times!" 

"Exactly. Listen, I miss you guys, a lot. But... it just wouldn't work out like you think it would. Trust me." You told him, taking a large drink. The bassist sighed and nodded as he rested his chin on his hand. 

"You're probably right." Was all he said before the conversation moved to something else. Toshiya insisted on walking you home after a few more drinks, which you simply agreed to. When he left you at your door, he hugged you tightly before handing you a piece of paper. "It's my number. Keep in touch, okay?" With a smile and a nod, you said goodbye to Toshiya and walked inside. 

p>~~4 Years Ago~~~  
You handed Kaoru a bottle of beer and awkwardly sat beside him on the couch, you took a drink before looking at the floor, not really knowing what to say.

"Kaoru..." You started to say, however you were cut off by a hand settling on your thigh, causing you to look down at it before you looked up at Kaoru, he was already looking at you with a small smile on his face. Seeing this brought you a sense of comfort, however you were still embarrassed and ashamed that he found out like that. "Thanks...for what you did back there. I mean it." His smile grew and he shook his head a little, taking a drink from his beer. He was taking this oddly well and he seemed calm, you didn't know if he secretly wanted to tell you how he really felt about it and a part of you wished he would; however he remained sitting in silence for another few moments, until he finally spoke. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" He finally asked, you turned to look at him again and shrugged a little, itching behind your head. "Did you think I'd be mad?" 

"I thought you'd be embarrassed if people knew someone you were friends with was a pole dancer. People think it's sleazy and dirty. They automatically think that if someone is a pole dancer, they're sluts, strippers, probably prostitutes. I just... don't want you to think of me that way." When you said this, you looked down at the floor again and took a large drink from your beer. However, Kaoru wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him. You rested your head on his shoulder and smiled when you felt his chin settle on the top of your head-where he pressed a small kiss to your hair.  
~~~  
You sat on your couch, looking at the piece of paper sitting on your table. What should do you? Did Toshiya really want to speak to you as friends? Or was he going to try and get you and Kaoru back together? Surely he must know that there was no chance of that happening. With a deep groan, you reached forward, took the paper and began to type the number into your phone. As it rang, your stomach flipped and you felt sick, you wondered if he would answer or whether you would have to leave an uncomfortable message. When it was answered, however, you were relieved. 

"Hello? Toshiya speaking." His voice said at the other end, you smiled a little and felt all the worry leave you, although you were still a little confused as to why you were doing this. 

"Since when did you become so professional?" You asked, when he heard your voice, Toshiya gasped and made a high pitched noise-causing you to move your phone away from your ear. 

"I knew you'd call! I just knew it! I said so, didn't I Shinya?" Toshiya asked, you started to laugh at his joke, however when you heard a quiet voice say hello, you went wide eyed and stood from your couch. What was he doing? Who else was there with him or who else had he told? 

"Toshiya! What happened to not telling anybody?" You asked, hearing him laugh a little. You knew what he would be doing right now: he would be itching he back of his head as he wondered around the room, trying to think of an excuse rather that just him needing to tell somebody. "Anyway, who else have you told?" 

"Nobody! Just Shinya." He replied, with a nod you relaxed a little and took your seat on the couch again. "And Kyo. But only because he over heard the conversation! He said he wouldn't tell Die or Kaoru, but I knew he wouldn't anyway. So, want to get a drink?" You laughed a little in shock t the man, wondering if he actually understood any of what he just said. 

"Well, if three of you know, the other two will no doubt find out." You replied, walking into your kitchen to find a glass before you poured yourself some wine and lit a cigarette. You heard a small sigh from Toshiya on the other end before he excused himself and, you guessed, left the room-judging by the sounds of the door opening and closing. 

"I promise you, they won't find out. Even if they do, would it really be so bad? I mean... Kaoru might think differently now..." When you remained silent on the other end of the phone, Toshiya coughed and his tone of voice picked up a little. "Anyway, enough of that! How about me and Shinya meet you somewhere now? There must be a decent bar nearby, right?" He asked, you didn't know why he was so eager, maybe he really did just miss you. With a sigh, you took a drink from your wine, brought your cigarette to your lips and thought for a moment. How much harm could it be? If he started to talk about you and Kaoru getting back together, you would just direct him to another topic. "Hello? Are you still there?" With a sigh, you nodded to yourself before closing your eyes. 

"Fine. But... just come here, I have beer and wine but feel free to bring your own if you want." When you said this, you heard another high pitched noise from the other end of the phone, making you laugh. 

"We'll be there in an hour! See you soon, sweetheart!" Toshiya exclaimed before he hung up. You cleaned a little, lit some candles to make the apartment smell a little better, put some music on your ipod and changed from your comfortable pyjamas into some jeans and a shirt. True to his word, after an hour there was a knock on the door: when you opened it, Toshiya burst into a smile and wrapped his arms around you. When you invited him inside, Shinya stepped forward and smiled a little to you, pushing some hair behind his ear. He looked almost the same, except his hair was longer and a lighter shade. To your surprise, Shinya stepped further into your apartment and wrapped his arms around you- Shinya was never one to show affection. When he took a step back, he smiled to you once again and nodded in thanks before stepping into your apartment, allowing you to close to door. Toshiya was already changing the song you were playing over your speaker system as he drank his beer, handing one to Shinya as he passed to sit in the chair in the corner. "Your music taste has stayed the same, huh?" You laughed a little and hit his arm, making him laugh as he clicked shuffle, smiling at the song that came on before he wrapped both arms around your shoulders, holding you to his chest. "It's so good to see you! Isn't it, Shinya?" The drummer nodded with a smile before taking a drink from his beer. You smiled a little as you hugged Toshiya back, enjoying the smell of his aftershave. 

"You know, you could have asked Kyo if he wanted to come. But then again, this sort of thing was never his favourite activity." You said, earning a laugh and a nod from the two men. You escaped Toshiya's arms to retrieve your wine and took a drink as you lit a cigarette, standing by your open window as you smoked. The night air was cold and it looked like it was going to rain. 

"So, this place certainly looks different!" Toshiya said as he sat on the couch, smiling to you as he took a drink from his beer. You turned to look at him and smiled as you blew a cloud of smoke from your window and watched it climb into the night air. You stubbed it out in the ashtray before closing your window and taking a seat next to Toshiya as you took a drink from your wine. 

The guys had been at your place for two hours, you had all ordered some food and Toshiya had been to a local convenience store for more beer and wine. You were currently sitting on the floor in front of your couch, Shinya was still in the chair and Toshiya was sitting behind you with his arms wrapped around your neck. You were all a little drunk by now and when a particular song started playing over your speakers, Toshiya and Shinya exchanged a look before the bassist made a move to stand from the couch, however when you caught his hand in yours, you smiled up to him and simply shook your head. 

"It's okay. I haven't heard this song in so long." You said to him as he sat back down, putting his arms back around your neck and resting his cheek on the top of your head when you held his hands. As you all sat listening to 'The Final', you couldn't help but smile as your eyes closed. Although you didn't mean to, you suddenly thought about Kaoru. Whenever the guys played this live, Kaoru would look at you in the crowd as he played, knowing it was your favourite song. 

"Wasn't this your favourite song by us?" Toshiya asked, you nodded and opened your eyes, smiling a little as you took a drink from your wine. When Toshiya slid from the couch and sat down next to you, you turned to smile to him when he put his arm around you and brought you closer to him. "Whilst Shinya is asleep," you turned to look at the drummer and smiled when you saw him slumped in the chair asleep. "You miss him, don't you?" You sighed when Toshiya asked you this and turned to look at him again, finishing your wine. He smiled as he brought the bottle from beside him and filled your glass again, making you laugh a little as you took another drink. 

"You know I do." You replied, hearing Toshiya sigh as he took a drink from his beer. "Please don't tell him any of this, it won't work out, Toshiya. I really fucked things up back then, I ruined any chances of me and Kaoru ever getting back together. He's no doubt moved on by now..." When you heard a snorting laugh coming from beside you, you turned to look at Toshiya to see a small smile on his face as he shook his head. 

"Kaoru? Moved on? He's still the same old Kaoru, music and work are still his number one priorities." Toshiya told you with a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders. "You know, he does sometimes still talk about you? When he's seriously sleep deprived, drunk too much or homesick. On our last tour, I went to his hotel room at 2 am to find him lying on his bed, just staring up at the ceiling. When I asked him what was wrong, do you know what he said?" You shook your head when he asked you this, he smiled a little and tightened his arm around you. "'I wonder if she even still thinks about me.' When I told him you most likely did, he laughed and shook his head, saying you'd probably found somebody better than him." Your heart beat rapidly as Toshiya told you all of this, was he telling the truth? Or was it the beer talking? "Why don't you talk to him?" With another sigh, you took a drink and shook your head. 

"Toshiya, there's no use. I appreciate what you're trying to do, really, but please just leave it." You said as you took another drink from your wine, hearing him sigh before he nodded. You rested your head on his chest and smiled as you closed your eyes. "It's so nice to have you to here. It's been kind of lonely not speaking to any of you guys." Toshiya let out a small laugh as he nodded and ran a hand down the back of your hair. 

"I know. I've missed our drunken chats we used to have." He replied, making you laugh as you nodded. The two of you remained siting like that for a while, until Shinya woke up and yawned loudly, causing you both to look over in the corner. The drummer smiled a little to you as he stretched his arms into the air. "We should probably head out. Mind if I call a cab?" You shook your head and handed him your phone. You stood and smiled to Shinya as he rubbed his eyes. 

"I'm sorry, you must think I'm so rude." He said, you smiled and shook your head before you finished your wine. "You know, it's been really nice to see you again. Don't loose touch again... okay?" With this, Shinya hugged you again, making you smile as you hugged him back. When the guys left, you smiled as you sat down on your couch. Your eyes drifted to your table and, when you saw a piece or paper sitting there, you reached forward and read it. You couldn't help but laugh when you saw Toshiya had messily written down Kaoru's number, along with a winking face.


	5. Chapter 5

~~~1 Month Later~~~  
Toshiya had invited you for a few drinks that night, you were wearing your plain black jeans, some boots, your leather jacket and an old band shirt you had found at the back of your wardrobe. You had already been out for a few hours and you were both already quite drunk. It had just gone midnight and, when Toshiya finished his beer, he turned to you with a smile.

"Hey, how about we head to another bar and carry this on?" Toshiya asked, you laughed as you stood from the table and followed him outside, the two of you stumbled down the road for a while until Toshiya stopped and brought out his phone. "Hey, say cheese!" You both pulled stupid faces for the camera and laughed when you looked at it. You lit a cigarette and noticed Toshiya was on the phone to someone, though you stayed away and let him have some privacy.  
~~~  
You had been in the new club for about an hour, for the time of morning it was it was still very busy. When Toshiya stood from the booth to use the bathroom, you took a drink from your beer and looked at the couple sitting by the bar, you smiled a little when you noticed how happy they looked. You heard the door slam shut before you heard someone talking as they walked towards the booth. 

"I swear to God, if you're so drunk you throw up in my car again I'll kill you." You heard a voice say behind the booth, you looked up to see a man with short blonde hair walking past, he was wearing grey jeans and a black leather jacket with some army style boots. He ran a tattooed hand through his blonde hair and sighed deeply, shaking his head as he looked around the bar. You took a drink from your beer and raised one eyebrow as you watched him for a moment. 

"Everything okay?" You called over the music, the man nodded and sighed again.

"I don't suppose you've seen a guy with..." The man trailed off his sentence when he turned around to look at you, going wide eyed and his lips parted when he saw you. You did the same and gasped a little when you saw Kaoru looking back at you. "(n-name)?!" You stood from the booth and looked at Kaoru as your heart pounded in your chest, you felt sick and your ears were ringing. "Are you here with Toshiya?" You felt glued to the spot as you looked at him, he looked so different. 

"I... excuse me." You said as you turned and quickly ran outside.  
~~~3 Years ago~~~

"Come on! Just smile for the camera!" You said again as you pointed the camera at your boyfriend, who was currently sat with his head in his laptop, as he had been for the past 5 hours. Kaoru's eyes briefly looked up from the laptop screen and you snapped a photo, laughing when you looked at it. "You were the one that ever asked if I'd ever thought about being a photographer." He rolled his eyes before he looked back at the laptop screen, making you sigh. You put the camera down and walked over to him, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and rested your chin on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to the tattoo on his neck. You heard him sigh a little as you ran your hands down his chest, settling at the bottom of his stomach. "Haven't you done enough work for today? Why don't we have some wine, watch a film?" 

"You know I can't. I have to finish writing these songs." Was Kaoru's response, with a sigh, you span his chair around. He simply looked up at you with one eyebrow raised as he sighed, with a smirk, you put one knee onto the chair-between his legs-and put your hands on his chest. When his hands settled on your waist, pulled you into his lap and he pressed his lips to yours, you finally thought you'd won. However, he soon pulled away and a deep rumble came from his chest.  "I won't be too much longer, I promise." With that, you sighed and took a step back as he span back around once again. For a few moments you remained standing behind Kaoru, watching him type on the laptop before you turned around and walked into his bedroom-making sure you slammed the door loudly.  
~~~  
You stood outside, smoking as you tried to calm down. Had you really just seen Kaoru in there? Had Toshiya rang him on purpose? Your heart was still beating heavily in your chest as you exhaled a cloud of smoke, hearing the door open and close again. 

"So, what, you're still friends with him?" You heard Kaoru ask, you closed your eyes and sighed when you heard him. "Have you seen him before now?" 

"So what if I have? You can't stop me seeing him, you have no right to." You replied, opening your eyes and turning to look at Kaoru as he stood in front of you. Your heart quickened a little when you saw him- his hair was much shorter and a totally different colour than the last time you saw him but he still looked the same: he was still as handsome. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before reaching into his jacket and pulling out a carton of cigarettes. When he started to patt his pockets, you handed him your lighter. 

"Thanks." He muttered when he took it, lit his cigarette and passed it back to you. You both stood in silence for a short while, you were unsure of what to say. "I thought you were stopping to smoke?" You turned to look at him to see him smiling a little, you laughed a little and shrugged. 

"So were you, remember?" You asked, Kaoru nodded as he blew out a cloud of smoke and looked down at the pavement. "Is Toshiya still in there?" Kaoru simply shrugged before you both fell into silence again. 

"You look... well." Kaoru finally said, you turned to look at Kaoru to see him smiling a little. You nodded in thanks before taking one last drag of your cigarette and throwing it into a nearby drain. 

"I'm sorry, Kaoru! I needed to use the bathroom." Toshiya said in a loud voice when he stumbled out of the club, using his friend as a support. Kaoru shook his head and stubbed out his cigarette before he supported his friend some more. "Oh! Hey, you two made up! That's awesome!" With a laugh, you walked to the other side of Toshiya and supported him, nodding to Kaoru as you both started walking. "You know, it's why I called Kaoru! I know we were going to get a cab but I knew you would make up!" 

"Toshiya just shut up." You muttered before you looked down at Kaoru. "Where are you parked?" Kaoru looked down towards you again and nodded to a car standing close by-it was different to the one he used to drive. When you reached the car, you supported Toshiya as Kaoru unlocked the car, opened one of the rear doors and placed Toshiya inside. Once he closed the door, you smiled a little to him. 

"Thanks." Kaoru said, you simply shook your head and said goodnight. "Hey, where are you going?" When you heard this, you stopped walking and turned to look at Kaoru with one eyebrow raised. "You really think I'd let you walk home alone at this time of night? Hop in." With that, Kaoru walked to the other side of the car and opened the passenger side door, smiling to you. With a laugh and a shake of your head, you climbed into the car and sighed when Kaoru closed the door and walked to the other side, starting the car once he sat down. As he drove down the street in silence, you looked out of the window at the night passing quickly. You made a mental note to kill Toshiya for doing this. "Are you still at the same place?" You turned to look at Kaoru again when he asked you this, his eyes were watching the road now. 

"Yeah, same apartment." You finally replied, looking down at your feet once again. Kaoru hummed once you said this and turned right at the end of the road, driving towards your apartment. You felt nervous, though you didn't know why: it's not as though you were alone with Kaoru, even though Toshiya was asleep in the back seat, he was still there. Not that you didn't trust being alone with Kaoru, but the silence was starting to become slightly awkward. 

"Did you know he's been planning this?" Kaoru finally asked, you turned to look at him again and shook your head, relieved when he smiled a little as he sighed. "Fucker." You laughed a little as you nodded and looked out of the front widow of the car. You noticed Kaoru was driving slowly, but you didn't know why. "So...how have you been?" You turned to look at Kaoru and remained silent for a while until he looked at you with a small smile, you instantly looked back through the front window and took a deep breath. 

"Good. I guess, nothing much has happened. How about you?" You asked, he laughed a little and shook his head. "What's that for?" 

"Just 'good'? I haven't seen you in three years and things have just been good? Are you still working at the same place?" He asked, you nodded and looked down at the floor. You heard Kaoru hum deeply before he nodded. "Well, you're looking good." You turned to look at him again and smiled to yourself. He was watching the road with a stern expression, however a small smile was creeping onto his face. "Thanks. So are you. The hair was a shock, though." You replied, earning his attention again. He smiled to you and ran a hand through the short blonde hair before shrugging. "You don't think I'm... you know, too old for this colour?" He asked, you simply laughed as you shook your head. "Well, that's good to know." The two of you remained in silence for the short remainder of the journey and, when he stopped the car outside your apartment, you turned to him and smiled. "Here we are. No doubt you'll hear from him tomorrow asking what happened and why he's on my couch." "Your couch?" You asked, laughing when he explained that whenever he brought Toshiya home when he was this drunk he took him back to his own place to sleep it off. "Well... thanks for bringing me home, Kaoru." The man sitting beside you smiled and shook his head. "No problem. It's safer than you walking home by yourself. I'll... see you around, maybe?" He said, with a smile, you opened the car door and climbed out, waiting until the car turned the corner and disappeared before you walked into your apartment with a deep sigh.


	6. Chapter 6

~~~4 Years Ago~~~

After taking a shower and changing into some comfortable trousers and one of Kaoru's oversized shirts, you dried your hair with a towel and sat on the bed. With a sigh, you turned on the TV and sat back as you tried to find something to watch. You reached over, lit a cigarette and blew out a cloud of smoke as you turned to look out of the window: it was raining heavily and a wind was whistling. When you heard footsteps coming down the hall, followed by a knocking at the door, you ignored it and blew out some more smoke. "Anybody in there?" You heard Kaoru ask from the other side of the door. You blew out another cloud of smoke and remained looking out of the window, when the door opened you didn't turn around. "I brought you some wine, I thought we could watch a film. Your choice." You turned to look at Kaoru for a brief moment before you simply shrugged and turned back to look out of the window. You heard a glass of wine and a bottle of beer be set down on the cabinet before the bed shifted as Kaoru sat down. You sighed when you felt two hands settle on your waist and some lips be pressed to your neck. "Come on, baby, speak to me." With a sigh, you stubbed out your cigarette and remained looking out of the window. You heard Kaoru sigh before his hands wrapped around your waist and settle on your stomach: you could smell beer and cigarettes on his breath mixed with his aftershave. "I'm sorry I've been so busy, but now you've got my full attention." When he kissed your neck again, you sighed once again. You felt his weight shift as he stood from the bed again and passed you the glass of wine. You took it and silently took a drink as Kaoru kissed your neck and shoulder. "Come on, let's spend some time together." With a deep sigh, you finally spoke. "I tried to do that earlier if you remember." You heard Kaoru groan as he kissed your neck again. "Kaoru, I'm so sick of being here only for when you've finished your work." You took another drink from your wine and turned to look at Kaoru to see him smiling a little to you. "Why are you smiling?" "You're always so beautiful when you're angry." He said to you, you couldn't help but smile when he started to laugh and you finally turned to look at him he took his beer from the side and took a drink before kissing your cheek. "You're always so beautiful, anyway." You smiled as you poked his cheek and kissed his lips, hearing him hum against your lips. "Okay, you're forgiven." You replied, he smiled and laughed a little as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. You turned to face him fully and moved your hands to the bottom of his shirt as you kissed him, breaking it to pull the shirt over his head before your lips locked with his again. He lifted you into his lap, instantly wrapping your legs around his waist before his hands rubbed your thighs. You broke the kiss once again to kiss his jaw line, the stubble there pricking your skin, before you moved to his neck and collar bone, paying particular attention to a spot you knew drove him crazy. When Kaoru moaned loudly and his fingers dug into your thighs, you sat back with a proud, accomplished grin-causing him to smirk and shake his head. "Bitch." He muttered before he slammed his lips against yours again, causing you to groan as you fell from his lap, bringing him down on top of you with your legs. Kaoru ground down on you, his jeans running the insides of your thighs a little. When your hands travelled to his crotch and gently squeezed the bulge there, he moaned against your lips before breaking it one again. His forehead rested against yours as he continued to breathe deeply as your hand continued to tease him, much to his annoyance. After another few moments, you moved your hand upwards and began to undo his jeans, sliding them down to his mid thigh until he removed them completely. For some reason, you had always liked Kaoru's thighs- they were one of your favourite features of his body. Your hands settled on them for a while, digging your nails in as he lifted your legs over his shoulders and kissed you through the trousers you were wearing. With a smirk, he pulled them down completely, pressed a long, wet kiss to the inside of your right thigh before his head dipped between your legs- causing you to moan loudly and grip on to the pillows beside you. ~~~ It had been three weeks since your outing with Toshiya, he rang you the next day, sounding hungover and sorry for himself, to apologise for bringing Kaoru out. "It's... fine. We didn't argue. He drove me home and asked me how I was doing. That was it." You had told him, leading to a series of questions from him. You were currently at work, it was late in the afternoon and it was rather quiet- mainly filled with University students and unemployed men. You were behind the bar, dressed in a simple black dress and boots as you cleaned glasses and served customers when they came to the bar. When you heard the door open, you shouted a 'Welcome' to whoever it was that walked in, continuing with cleaning the bar. "This place hasn't changed much." You heard a familiar voice say, raising your head you went wide eyes when you saw Kaoru standing on the other side of the bar, smiling a little to you. He looked nervous, his hands were holding the edge of the bar tightly. You finally smiled a little and shook your head as you walked to stand in front of him. "The usual?" You asked, he laughed and nodded with his eyebrows raised, you simply smiled and fetched him a double whiskey - remembering the particular brand he drank. When you handed it to him, he slid some money across the bar and smiled to you when he saw you open your mouth and slide the money back. "Let's not go through this again." He said, you looked up at him and started to laugh, causing him to laugh along with you. "Well, cheers." He raised his glass to you and took a sip from the drink, humming as it warmed his chest. "You even remembered no ice." You smiled and shrugged as Kaoru took a seat at the bar, looking around as his fingers drummed on the wooden surface. "So, how is everyone?" You asked before your mouth could stop, Kaoru turned to look at you in surprise, but simply smiled and nodded. "Good. We're getting ready for a tour, actually. It's why I'm here, I was in the area checking our venue and thought I'd... come see what the place looked like." He told you, taking another drink quickly. You smiled and nodded as you started to clean some glasses. "Toshiya sends his love, by the way... and Shinya." You looked up at him when he said this, however he didn't look angry. "You were right. I have no right to stop you seeing them. After all they were...are your friends, too." Kaoru smiled a little to you, bringing you a sense of comfort as you smiled back. When your shift finished that evening and your co-worker arrived, you gathered your things from the back and left the bar with a sigh, bringing a cigarette from your bag and looking for your lighter. However, one appeared in front of you and lit your cigarette before closing with a click, the tattooed hand moving it back into the jacket pocket. You turned to look at Kaoru and smiled as you blew out a cloud of smoke. "I thought you'd left?" You asked, he simply shrugged his shoulders and smiled to you. With a small laugh, you brought the cigarette back to your lips and inhaled- that's when the idea came to you. When you exhaled the smoke once again, you hesitantly turned to look at Kaoru and smiled when you found he was already looking at you. "Hey... how about a drink? You can come to my apartment... if you want? If you're not busy? Forget it, you're probably busy. Have to get back to the guys, right? You did say you had a tour-" You were cut off by Kaoru's lips pressing against your own, taking you by surprise. You knew he wasn't drunk, so that's not why he was doing this. His hands wrapped around your waist and brought you closer to him until no space between your bodies remained. You dropped the cigarette to the floor and threaded your hands through his hair, moaning into the kiss when Kaoru walked you backwards until your back gently hit the wall. When he broke the kiss for air, his lips moved to your neck and bit the skin there, causing you to groan in a mixture of pain and pleasure. His tongue soon ran over the bite, soothing it a little, before he looked at you again. "Your place sounds good." Was all he whispered, before his hand took yours and he hailed a cab.


	7. Chapter 7

~~~3 Years Ago~~~

You sat on your couch, your knees tucked up to your chest as you cried. Earlier that evening, you and Kaoru had a huge argument about his excessive work and how little time he spend with you. It ended finally with you marching out of his apartment and slamming his door excessively loud. It had been around 2 hours since the argument and, when your phone rang, you expected to look at your screen and find Kaoru. When you saw it was Die, you raised an eyebrow, wiped your nose with a tissue and answered.

"Hey, Die." You said, trying to disguise the fact you were crying. However, it didn't work. 

"(name)? What's wrong, why are you crying?" He asked, when he said this, you started crying more. You heard Die sigh deeply down the phone. "I'll be right over." Before you could refuse, Die hung up the phone. Half an hour later, there was a knock at your door and when you opened it, you found Die on the other side with two bags in his arms. He smiled to you as he walked in and placed the bags down, turning to you with his arms stretched wide. You started to cry more as you hugged Die, his arms wrapped around you and hugged you tightly to his chest. He pressed a kiss to your hair and rested his cheek on your head as he sighed deeply. "What happened?" "We had an argument. I accused him on not appreciating me or having enough time for me." You managed to tell him through your tears, Die rubbed his hands up and down your back as he sighed and listened to you. "Do you think I was wrong? I mean... maybe I should call him and apologise?" Die took a step back, put his hands on your arms and looked you in the eyes. "Why don't we have a drink and talk about this?" Die said, with a nod, you both walked to the couch as Die handed you two beers before taking the rest and put them in the fridge. You and Die had both drunk enough each to be a little bit drunk but not too much. When he handed you another beer, you took it with a smile and took a drink. Die sat back next to you and took a drink from his own bottle, smiling as you rested your head against his chest again and sighed deeply. "What exactly happened?" "I said he didn't appreciate me and that I was only here for when his work was finished. I... I don't know. Do you think I was being too hasty? I mean, I love Kaoru, you know that. I just... I just..." When Die noticed you crying again, he sat back and put his bottle down as he opened his arms to you. You put your own down and moved to lay against his chest, he wrapped his arms around you tightly before his legs raised to the floor and trapped you between them. "Hey, come on now. I think you're right to be upset, it must hurt to be ignored." He said to you, you sighed deeply and played with the fabric of Die's shirt. "I don't understand it. Kaoru's always been dedicated to his work the band, but I don't understand why he puts you second." You sat back and looked up at Die, finding him looking down at you with a smile. "If I were him, I'd be spending every waking moment dedicating it to you." Your heart rate increased and your breath grew deeper when Die moved his head closer to yours, however when his lips touched yours- you jumped back a little. "Shit, I'm sorry. I don't know why I-" Without thinking, you leant forward and kissed Die again, his hands held your waist as he kissed you back, his tongue running gently along your bottom lip until you opened your mouth to him, groaning as you fell onto your back with Die hovering above you. ~~~ "This place looks good." Kaoru said as you handed him a beer, you smiled in thanks and sat beside him. You took a drink from your own beer and looked around, as though to ensure the room was clean enough-although it was too late now. When Kaoru's eyes settled on something, he laughed a little and turned to look at you. "You still have this?" You followed his eye line and smiled when you noticed the Bonsai tree Kaoru had bought you one year for your birthday sitting on the usual table. You stood, walked to the plant and picked it up, handing it to Kaoru. He took it in one hand and smiled as he looked at it. "You've taken good care of it. It still looks good!" You smiled and shrugged as you placed it back on the table and sat back beside him on the couch. When a slickly awkward silence settled on the room, you cleared your throat and turned to look at him with a small smile. "So... how are the others?" You asked, Kaoru swallowed his mouthful of beer and turned to look at you, raising his eyebrows as he let out a deep breath before replying. "Well, Toshiya and Shinya are probably the same as when you last saw them." He said, you smiled and looked down at your bottle, peeling the label off as you waited for him to continue. "Kyo and... they're good." Kaoru told you, you nodded and took a large drink, noticing he did the same. "And you? How have you really been?" You turned to look at him again with one eyebrow raised, noticing a smile creep onto his face. "That sounded more patronising than I wanted it to. I just mean..." "Have I been able to cope without you?" You asked as you narrowed your eyes, Kaoru sighed and shook his head. When a hand settled on yours, you looked down at it before looking at Kaoru- he had moved closer to you on the couch and was smiling to you a little. "No. I meant... I didn't like the thought of you, you know. .. struggling with anything without me being there for you." He told you in a lowered voice, you held your breath when you noticed Kaoru moving his head towards yours until your lips locked again- this kiss was different to the one outside the bar. This one was slow and filled with passion, Kaoru's hands slid up your thighs and settled on your hips, his fingers digging in to your skin. Your hands wrapped around his neck as your hands climbed into his hair, pulling slightly and smirking when you heard him moan. When he broke the kiss for air, he instantly kissed your neck, searching a moment for the right spot until you moaned loudly and your head fell back- allowing him to attack your neck more. Your hands travelled to the bottom of his shirt and climbed up the back, feeling the curve of his back with your fingertips as you smiled. "God... I forgot how amazing your hands felt." You smiled and brought your head forward, kissing him again. Kaoru growled deeply and pulled you harshly into his lap, sliding his hands up your thighs before he grabbed them roughly. "And I forgot how amazing it felt to sit in your lap." You told him, hearing him groan as a smirk appeared on his face. His hands travelled to the button and fly of your jeans, popping the button open and moving the fly down. You stood from his lap for a moment to remove them, hearing Kaoru hum when he saw your thigh. When you sat on his lap again, his hand gently traced over the large tattoo on your right thigh. "When did you get this?" He asked, you told him it was just over a year ago and he smiled as he studied it. "A rose Bush? Just like you always wanted." You simply smiled and nodded, laughing against his lips when Kaoru kissed you once again, his hands returning to your thighs to roughly grab them once again. Your hands settled on his chest, you felt it was firmer than it used to be- still not overly muscular, but firm. He hummed against your lips and pulled you closer to him, running his hands up your back. Your hands travelled to his crotch and applied a gentle amount of pressure. You popped open the button and broke the kiss when you felt him smirk against your lips. "Eager?" With a laugh, you kissed his neck and slid from his lap- pulling his jeans down until he kicked them off the rest of the way. When you stood again, his hands wrapped around your thighs, roughly grabbing your backside as he kissed the bottom of your stomach. You smirked down to him and took his tattooed hands in your own as he stood from the couch and you led him down the hall and into your bedroom. When he stepped inside, he looked around for a moment before he wrapped his arms around your waist once again. "Well, this sure looks different." You smiled and nodded as you kissed Kaoru once again and tell back onto your bed. When he hovered above you, he kissed your neck allowed his hands to follow the curve of your waist. Your hand travelled to the drawer beside your bed, taking out a small foil packed inside and placing it on the bed beside you. Kaoru's hands finally travelled to your thighs, parted them and smiled down to you as he took the packet and opened it. You took a deep breath as Kaoru slowly pushed into you- causing you to groan in pain a little. Kaoru pressed a kiss to your forehead to distract you from the mild pain, rolling his hips slowly when you nodded. His hands settled on your waist whilst yours sat on his shoulders, your legs tightened around him as your head fell backwards as you moaned loudly. Kaoru smiled a little when he heard the noise. "I've missed those noises." "Shut up." You replied with a smile, Kaoru laughed a little as he thrust his hips harshly, sending the headboard slamming into the wall. Your nails dug into his back and slowly dragged down, causing Kaoru to moan loudly as you smirked in pride.


	9. Chapter 9

~~~3 Years Ago~~~  
You were sitting in the green room with the band before they prepared to go on stage, Kyo and Shinya were talking quietly in a corner whilst yourself, Die, Toshiya and Kaoru were sat drinking. It had been a few weeks since you and Die had sex but you were trying to act as though nothing had happened. You felt guilty about it, but Kaoru was still distant from you. When it was time for the guys to start, you wished them all luck: when Kaoru stood in front of you, he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek silently before leaving the room with everybody else. You sighed and rest your back against the wall as you closed your eyes.

"And you're just going to let him leave like that?" Die asked, making you jump as you opened your eyes and looked at him standing in front of you. You thought everybody had left, but he was standing looking rather angry. You simply sighed again and shrugged your shoulders. "How can he just leave like that?" Die took a drink from his beer before his eyes met yours again and a small smirk appeared on his face. He placed the bottle down, walked to you and put had hand on the wall beside your head, smiling down to you. "This is how he should have left." With that, his lips crashed onto yours and placed a hand on the bottom of your back. You kissed him back as your hands climbed into his hair, his tongue ran along your bottom lip and you opened your mouth, allowing him in. His free hand settled between your legs and applied pressure, causing you to groan against his lips. "Die, come on!" Toshiya called from outside the room, you broke the kiss, took hold of Die's wrist and brought it away from your crotch. He sighed deeply, rolled his eyes and nodded. "Coming." He called back before he looked down at you and smiled. "Your place, after the show." Was all he said before he left you, you simply raised an eyebrow and watched him walk away. The show was good, although you were too concerned about what Die had said to you earlier. The show had finished a while ago and you told Kaoru and the others you didn't feel well, heading home after you had spoken to them for a while. You were sat on your windowsill, drinking some wine as you looked at the street. When you heard your door open, you turned and smiled when you saw Die walk in, he smiled to you, rested against the door and locked it behind him. "What are we doing? I thought this was a one time thing? We...we can't do this, it's not fair to Kaoru." You told him as he walked towards you, Die's smile remained on his face as he stood in front of you. He took hold of your thighs, span you to face him and spread your legs, smiling up to you as he ran his hands down your bare skin. "Die..." He pressed a kiss to the insides of your thighs, smiling up to you as he did so. He reached up, hooked his fingers around the waist band of your shorts and pulled them down. "What are you-" "I'm showing you how you should be treated." Die said to you, he took hold of your thighs and pulled you down towards him, pressing a kiss between your legs before his tongue flicked out, causing you to groan loudly and clutch onto the sides of the window behind you. You were thankful you lived on one of the top floors and so had nobody living across from you. "Die... stop..." You moaned, tangling your fingers into his hair. You felt confused about the whole thing-half of you wanted Die to stop but the other half of you wanted him to never stop. You knew this was wrong, yet something in you loved being like this with Die. "You don't seem like you want me to stop." He whispered to you as he gripped his hands and stood up fully, his lips smashed onto yours. You wrapped your legs around his waist as his hands settled on your waist. "What the fuck..." You heard a voice Whisper behind you, you broke the kiss and went wide eyed, as did Die. You looked over his shoulder and gasped when you saw Kaoru standing there holding a bottle of wine. His eyes were wide, his skin pale and his lips were parted as though he needed to say something, but no words would come. "(name)? What the hell is going on?" "Kaoru... I can explain..." You began to say, however he simply put the bottle of wine down onto the table and walked out of the room, closing the door behind you. You pushed Die out of the way and ran after Kaoru, however by the time you had run down the stairs he was just driving away. You knelt down on the sidewalk and caught your breath as you watched his car disappear around a corner. When you felt a hand on your back, you shook it off and stood up. "Don't you touch me!" You shouted, turning to look at Die. His eyebrows were drawn together and he had an angry look in his eyes. "Me?! You're mad at me? Why? I didn't hear you shouting at me when you were under me!" He yelled back, you simply pushed past him and back into your apartment building. You were relieved to find he hadn't followed you. Later, you were sat on your couch with a glass of wine, listening to the guys on your ipod. Suddenly, there was a loud banging at your door which caused you to jump. You quickly ran to the door and gasped when you saw Kaoru standing on the other side. He looked furious- not like he did earlier. "Kaoru, thank god! I..." You began to say, however he pushed past you, into your front room and looked around. "Kaoru?" "Where is he?" He asked, turning to look at you. You raised one eyebrow and closed your door, you took a drink from your wine before setting it down on the side and walking towards Kaoru. He stepped away from you when he noticed this and walked down the corridor. He pushed open all the doors and searched the rooms, looking for Die. "Finished did you?" "Kaoru, please let me explain." You said, finally earning his attention. With a nod, he marched past you, into your kitchen and poured two large glasses of wine, handing one to you roughly before he took a drink from his own. He walked to the front room, sat down on the couch and took another drink. "Go ahead. 'Explain'. I'm waiting." He told you, with a nervous sigh, you sat on the chair in the corner and nodded. "Okay... recently I've felt as though you forget I even exist. I was feeling lonely, down... frankly, unloved. Die just... we never meant for this to happen!" You exclaimed, Kaoru's eyes closed when you spoke, yet he opened them soon after and took a drink from the wine. You watched him for a moment in silence, expecting him to say something, however he didn't. "I know you've been working hard recently, I just... feel abandoned." "Jesus, you're not a cat!" Kaoru exclaimed as he turned to look at you. You sighed deeply and took a drink from the wine he had handed you, forgetting about your other glass. "What, I was busy with work, you weren't getting enough attention so you fucked my friend?" His words made you wince, but you knew they were true. You opened your mouth to speak, but Kaoru bet you to it. After drinking the rest of his wine, he placed the glass down on the table and stood from the couch. He walked to stand in front of you and knelt down. When your eyes moved to look at the floor, his hand took hold of your face and forced you to look at him. His eyes bore into your own and his face moved closer to yours until you could smell the cigarettes and alcohol on his breath. "How many times?" You tried to look away again, however he roughly moved your head back. "How many?!" When he shouted, you jolted a little and exhaled heavily. "Only once. I swear. We only had sex once." You said, his eyes closed when you actually admitted it. You hated seeing what you had done to him, you felt sick with guilt. "Where?" When he asked this, you looked at him with your eyebrows drawn together. He opened his once again and sighed, they didn't look angry now. He looked hurt-broken in fact. When your eyes shifted to the couch, you noticed him shudder. "I... I should go." When he started to stand, you grabbed his hands and stood, he sighed deeply and looked down at the floor. You placed your hands on his cheeks, brought his head to look at you and sighed when his eyes met yours. They were filled with sadness. "Please... don't go. I'm sorry, okay? So, so sorry. Kaoru, I love you..." You whispered frantically. You kissed his cheeks before moving to his neck. You heard him sigh deeply as his head fell backwards, slowly his hands settled on your waist and his fingers gripped your curves tightly. You moved your lips to his own and kissed him deeply, running your fingers through his hair as he kissed you back. You turned him around and straddled his thighs when he sat down in the chair, his hands moved to your thighs and gripped them roughly. Suddenly, he broke the kiss and moved his head to the side, breathing deeply as you moved your lips back to his neck. "Stop..." He whispered, however you ignored him. Between his gasps and moans, Kaoru continued to repeat the word. Finally, he took hold of your arms and moved you backwards, looking up at you with sorrow filled eyes. "I can't do this. I... I just picture you with him. His hands all over you, his lips... God knows where. Just... stop. Let me up." When he whispered all this, you stood with a defeated sigh and you watched as he walked to the door- turning back to look at you one last time before he left the apartment without saying a word.


End file.
